i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
how drunk are you?
Several
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
