He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
