She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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