awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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