So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
