I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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