you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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