hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize