foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
