gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
