I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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