life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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