I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
