Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
