Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
