3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
