She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
