Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
