I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
why is half of my head shaved?
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