Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
