were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
