I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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