walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I cut my penus on the lid.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
