What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
