I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
