I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
