If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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