You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
