when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
