Me too!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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