If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
