God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Randomize
