Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
