Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
