If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
