he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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