hell yes lets make some ravioli
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
