i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
this is an emotional support booty call
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
