so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
