life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i think my mom watched the whole time
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
