I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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