worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
