i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
