My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
