Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
