God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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