Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
