I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
