i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
