whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
