Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
