i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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