I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
