Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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