oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
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Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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