The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
