Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
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I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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