Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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