some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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