my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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