So drunk its hurt
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Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
