So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap