your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD