..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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