Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.