i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?