If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
