are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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