I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
