Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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