as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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