cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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