its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
