he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
