I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
