they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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