i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
her facebook's as public as her vagina
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
